Play and Play Therapy

Children, lacking the verbal capacity and mindfulness of adults, naturally communicate their internal concerns through play. While play serves the important function of simply releasing energy, it also is the way children explore emerging possibilities in life, practice skills, and develop competency and self-esteem. At the emotional level, play serves to help children express their inner feeling states, explore confusing feelings, and relieve the frustrations of daily life as well those of unusual nature. 

Play therapy is designed to promote those non-verbal functions. As a child becomes comfortable in the presence of the therapist - an adult who watches, listens, and seems very interested in what they are playing - the therapist gradually brings forward in words the ideas that seem to be expressed in the play. In my work with children, the use of language is primarily intended to let the child know that I understand what they are expressing.

The next step in this process is to offer to help the child resolve whatever internal confusion or interpersonal problem they are expressing. Usually, I prefer to promote the child’s use of their own inner resources- kids are surprisingly good problem-solvers when they are supported to work things out for themselves. However, there are times when it is clear that what is needed is not within the child’s current capacities; if I judge this to be the case, I will offer suggestions. These are often in the form, “What do you think would happen if you…(e.g., talk to them about it, ask for some time alone when you come in from the other parent’s house so you can get used to being back, etc.)” If this involves bringing up something difficult with a parent, teacher or some other person the child sees as powerful, I offer to be with the child as they carry out the idea: “Would you rather do that by yourself, at home, or would you like to do it here in my office so I can help?”

There are times when the child faces something difficult and mostly needs to understand it well enough to use the capacities they already have to deal with it. This will involve my exploring the issue with them, e.g., “What do you think happens to someone when they die?” and then educating them about the parts they misunderstand, are confused about, or simply don’t know. This discussion is frequently a give-and-take, as the child and I adjust our understandings of what each of us is saying as we carry out the conversation. 

And finally, there are times when children simply need to express some issue and work it out through their play, without adult commentary or input. My job here is to sit back, allow the child to do what they need to do, and serve as a silent witness to their process. I believe this is a very important function, because I believe that, ultimately, all behavior is interpersonal, and that children, even in their most private moments, long to be recognized and understood by people they trust and look up to. A simple nod or a pleasant, knowing smile communicates this to the child- sometimes with accompanying words, but sometimes without them.